Valentine’s Day; my perfect crush

By guest blogger Robert LaMontagne

An early morning by the fire for my cold body, accompanied by a favorite blend of caffeine. Bed head hair and puffy eyes while I unlock my phone to see what the world has been up to. Grateful that the first thing I see is someone else complaining about their crush, complaining about not having a valentine; warms my heart to know I’m not the only one.

My crush, having a valentine, recently told me I’m perfect. Yet – I remain without plans for a dinner, a joy ride in my car, a night at the movies, clubs, or even chick flicks and popcorn under a warm blanket on the couch. I plan to work my shift delivering pizzas today, install my front speakers in my doors, and clean my car.

Special time with the only love I can truly say, will never die.

No, I can’t buy my car flowers or chocolate and hold its hand with my pinky finger. Well, I suppose I could buy the flowers and chocolates but the flowers would just die in the back seat and I would eat the chocolate.

My love of working on cars will never die.

My love of working on cars will never die.

Again I find myself trying to express my feelings without being direct, to my crush, because the last thing I want is her to feel guilty or upset. If you look at the nicest of people, if you have known them your entire life… why is it our heart lets them go their entire youth in depression wondering why they were never good enough, only to find them  happiest at the end of their days.

What took so long? Why do the kindest of hearts seem to owe the most blood before the world starts giving back to them? The ignorant have the audacity to reach for what they want relentlessly.

Why can’t we do that with the people we truly care about; share what we think, feel, and desire?

The girl who told me I was perfect decided to be another man’s valentine. This gentleman had recently chewed into my passion for cars as being wasteful and stupid, a complete lack of foundation for an adult. He said that by spending my time and money wrenching on cars and racing, while being truly happy within myself, to the point where I was comfortable to act like a 5 year old child in front of people I didn’t even know – instead of drinking, smoking, doing drugs and clubbing… I am somehow incapable of being somebody’s companion.

My crush was standing with us, so I said nothing. I waited for him to finish and I left the room. When it was safe to do so, I cried.

Even after her decision, I find myself currently comforting and counseling her over the loss of her favorite resident at her work as a C.N.A., only being able to remember back to when my grandma was in a home when she passed away.

The effort C.N.A.s go through to keep our loved ones well taken care of is much more than what meets the eye, especially if the caretaker sincerely loves you.

People’s perception of a day like Valentine’s Day is unique. Couples will do things together like Hollywood wants them to, people like my friends will complain about wanting their crushes, I will continue to work on my cars alone, and other people will suffer the loss of life itself.

It’s just another day.. why make it more than what it truly is?

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