Christmas can be a lonely reality
Guest Blog by Robert A. LaMontagne
Contact info to be announced.
With Christmas just a few short hours away, I would like those who are dear to my heart, to know, and forever remember that I love them all with all of my being. I would have given anything to have been able to go home to see my family this year had things not been so difficult for me.
Growing up I remember my little house in Martindale, Calgary Alberta. It wasn’t a very big house, but being so young it was a mansion, my kingdom, my castle, my home.
Christmas to me as a child was always amazing. Either my excitement woke me, or my sister woke me, and then I was instantly excited. We would run downstairs to the tree, at least I think there was a tree. With all the gifts surrounding the Christmas tree it would be easy to mistake that we never had one – just a ball of lights emitting from somewhere behind this wall of presents. If you did find our tree it would be under the 100 pounds of ornaments that took hours to meticulously place. Being so young, you could definitely tell where I was placing them.
My parents worked so hard at putting their problems aside. My sister and I had no idea there was anything wrong. It was a day for just the family to share together and smile. I didn’t always get the things I wanted, but my parents never let me down when they got me something I needed. The gift wasn’t always what the heart or mind required, but what the soul needed. Looking back to those days, my parents did such an amazing job keeping me feeling happy and loved, that I still can’t recall there being anything missing. Thank you for giving me what I needed the most growing up. Showing me what belongs in my heart and where I need to be strong.
What does Christmas mean to you? Deep down. If you could tell someone out of the blue what this holiday does to you, what it does for you? Where it roots from within your heart and your soul? What you cherish the most, what you remember dearest? What memories are you most fond of? The times where you held strength behind your tears, or love exploding through your smile as you emit pure happiness?
I know things have completely changed for me. Christmas has been a time of struggle every year for the last decade. The thing that I wish my mother understood many years sooner was that my sister and I don’t care about what we get for Christmas anymore. The root of the holiday for us is quality time spent with those we love. The ability to wake up just for one day and sit by the fire having times of laughter, and happiness, a moment where the world no longer matters, eat and just enjoy the day as it unfolds.
I am sorry that I cannot be with you this year. I am sorry that I have been so tight for money that I cannot afford a post card. I am sorry that I could not have bettered my life soon enough to do what my heart desired for everyone whom I love and cherish.
I am sorry that I cannot be there to watch my niece experience the magic of the season and see everyone devote their time into making such a loving day for Claire. She will never know what I am feeling right now, she will never know what you are feeling right now while reading this. That is a promise my sister and I made to each other years ago.
All things considered, just as my parents before us; family comes first.
The only reason I hate the holidays is because I have never been who I want to be through them. I always have such high expectations of myself and I hate that I let everyone down when all I want is for everyone to understand how deeply I love them. How if I could I would give the world to take their problems away and so that we can all enjoy our lives together.
I am supposed to be alone this year. Just know that I will be there in your hearts. Every ounce of my energy will be devoted towards hoping you all have a wonderful, joyous holiday.
I love you all
I miss you all.
I cannot wait to hear about all the amazing events that occur tomorrow.
I will be busy preparing myself for a come-back for the year to come. A year of less headache, a smoother outcome through all my endeavors.
I wish less heartache for everyone. I love you all far too much not to worry.
In my thoughts and prayers.
Have a very, merry Christmas everyone.
By Robert A. LaMontagne