Social Graces in the Toilet

While both hands pull down on my cheeks my throat lets out a long exasperated whine initially high pitched converting to a low moan as the word “why” escapes my lips with an accent on the end so it sounds more like why-ya.  This is how I am when I let the lowest of human behavior really get to me.  The evidence left behind by the most inconsiderate and dare I say selfish of people in public restrooms.

Going Crazy

What if on our first date or during a potential job promotion someone showed a video of your water closet ways, restroom ritual, bathroom behavior or your powder room performance.  Would you get that next date, or promotion, or would it send you slinking away in disgrace?

There has been much discussion on talk shows and in articles about proper bathroom etiquette and the many reasons why not to behave properly.  It bothers me deeply when I go to a public washroom and someone before me has peed all over the toilet seat.  This is when I let out the long “why-ya” in complete exasperation because this practice no matter how people dismiss it is still disgusting.  Lets call it what it is – uncivilized.

Most restrooms these days are well maintained, pristine even.  Some are maybe in need of fixture updates, and perhaps even a bit stained from time and use, however they are clean mostly, until Miss. and Mr. “I don’t’ want my perfect behind to be tainted by a public restroom toilet seat” pees all over the seat and floor.  In some instances going deeper into the bowels of the uncivilized and use their muddy shoe clad foot to then flush the toilet.

If every butt that touched the same toilet seat sat properly on the seat, there would be no concern for catching a germ or two.  Unless the person before you had an open infected oozing wound in just the right place and left the gooey mess just for you, and you came along and sat right down in the gooey mess and just happened to have an open sore in just the right place, you aren’t going to catch anything!  The chances of being struck by lightening are far greater.

What is so special about the tops of your legs, otherwise called your behind that they dare not come in contact with a toilet seat?  Your cell phone has more germs on it than a toilet seat and you put that on your face.  What if all of us peed on the seat?  We may as well go back to outhouses or peeing in the bushes wherever convenient.  Then we would only have spiders and bugs that bite and poison ivy to worry about.  Perhaps the solution is anyone afraid to pee in the toilet properly just for-go the whole idea.  Wear a diaper.

This problem has gotten so bad in some companies for both the men and women’s restrooms that meetings have been held to inform employees of proper washroom use and etiquette.

The inconsiderate souls that continue to soil the seats of public lavatories don’t seem to think about how this mess is cleaned up.  Someone like you and I clean these public messes up, hourly, if not more so someone like you and I can use the public restroom without gagging.  Inappropriate peeing should be punishable by polishing the porcelain in public facilities.  Or better yet, open their home up for public peeing.

So lets all behave with consideration of the next person using the toilet seat, or the person cleaning the toilet, and sit your pristine behind down to do the job properly.  Use your hands to flush the toilet and then wash them with soap and water before leaving, that folks, is how it’s done.

And please stop with the excuses because when it comes right down to it, there is no excuse for behaving uncivilized.

I don't care what you do in there, please just SIT down!

I don’t care what you do in there, please just SIT down!


  1. Yes, very funny, but not so funny. I do not understand why people cannot treat public washrooms like they would their home washrooms, or do they???????


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