Feelings of Rejection all too common
There are many times in our lives where we feel rejected. At any given moment there is some form of exclusion going on. Anyone can feel slighted, rejected or excluded. It happens with co-workers, friends, in social settings, and even at home. The worst of all perhaps is the feeling of rejection within your own family. These behaviors become most apparent during holidays or family gatherings and could be a cause for much stress around the gathering. I have noticed when someone feels rejected, they may reject others to protect themselves from the potential hurt. Then the downward spiral has begun and more people feel rejected and hurt. Sometimes the person or people doing the rejecting aren’t aware they are behaving in this exclusionary manner. In my observations, the people behaving this way have some insecurities about their placement or importance in the family hierarchy. Because they already feel sensitive about where they fit, they exclude stronger members of the family, or members they feel threatened by in some way. Unfortunately this sets the tone for a negative spiral in the family resulting in miscommunication, hurt feelings and huge family arguments, escalating to family members refusing to take part in any further gatherings.
In the perfect world there would be an easy solution. Everyone would be more sensitive ensuring everyone was included if they wished. We would have unconditional love for ourselves and each other, accepting faults and loving each other anyway. While I really do believe we are coming into the age of inclusiveness, we need more practical in the moment tools to use to prevent further damage in the family unit.
Some people have a gift of seeing what is going on at the moment it is happening and are able to deal with the problem before it becomes a problem. Others like myself come away after an interaction feeling a bit off, it may take a few times to realize what is really bothering me and come up with a plan to deal with it.
The first step is to recognize there is a problem and what exactly the problem is and who it concerns. Next, get your facts straight. Don’t make the mistake of addressing the problem with he said she said, in other words what others have told you. It is best to make a statement from what you have observed yourself. Make sure you are centered within yourself, not in an angry or hurt state before you address the problem, if at all possible. Use statements from your perspective and your feelings only. Using statements with I feel or I felt takes finger-pointing out of the equation allowing the other party to own their part more easily. It is far easier for anyone to adjust their behavior when they feel loved and supported. Communication is always the key. When people don’t communicate things fall apart fast. When people do communicate with an open heart, respect and integrity the healing possibilities are endless and miracles happen.
As we heal on our journey and learn to love ourselves unconditionally this love will spread out in waves to everyone and there will no longer be rejection on any level. This is the part of me that was healing over the last few months. And the journey continues.